BIRTHDAY WEEK.

People think I'm crazy, but every year I like to have a "birthday week". I'm making sure this one works out just because I'm currently surrounded by people who I love to spend time with. So voila. My birthday is one week away and BDW will begin on Monday. If plans don't work out, I won't be surprised, but hopefully it'll be a success.

Not exactly sure why I'm writing this entry, but I remember it having some kind of purpose at the beginning. Oh well. Happy birthday to me in 7 days. xD

Starlet.

Am I allowed to be this happy?!

Meeting people over the Internet is one of the sketchiest things, one could possibly do, but I did it and I was amazed at the results. I met up with a guy I knew as Egypt_Rider and ended up with a relationship. Seems random and scary, but it's fun. I met him on January 15th. We met at the mall and went to play pool. He got to show off his skills and not only impressed me with them, but I was also impressed by how sweet he was. He let me re-do shots because sometimes my shots were really sucky. Haha. Anyways, we had an amazing date and he ended up taking me back home. Fast forward to yesterday. We met up again, but this time he got to meet Becky and her "friend" Anthony. Once again, he impressed me at how confident and sure of himself he was around Becky. I really like this guy and if I meet his friends I can only hope to be so confident. Anyways, the point of this is to remind me how happy I am at this very moment. And how lucky I am to have found him.

He's like the male version of me and I couldn't ask for more.

Love,
Jess.

It's my drug...

I was watching Degrassi: The Next Generation and it actually scared me. This one girl had what seemed like a pretty normal and happy life, but she started taking pictures of herself. She posted these pictures on the internet and this one guy messaged her telling her that she was beautiful. These pictures weren't nudes or anything, but they were pushing the envelope. (Eg. School girl uniform, unbuttoned blouse, etc...) Anyways, she thought nothing of it and then out of nowhere this guy tracks her down and starts telling her how he loves her, etc... He's extremly obsessive and creepy that the girl's little sister has to call the cops. The reason it scared me was because I could relate to it. Whenever I watch things like that or read books about a girl and her internet life, it just gives me the chills. I've always had horrible confidence so I've turned to the internet. I've posted pictures which I probably shouldn't have posted just to have guys tell me that I'm beautiful... It's actually makes me physically sick each time I reflect back on it. Then on the show, the girl's boyfriend said "These guys aren't just looking at your pictures" and it made me cringe. It's horrible what I'm doing, but sometimes it feels like an addiction. I need that validation, anyways. I'm done. Done with this entry. I can't say that I'm done with the pictures just because I'm not going to lie. If I can stop I will, but then again I don't know if it's possible.

Later Days.

OverMyHead.

Over these past few weeks, I've been twisiting the truth quite a lot. Whether it's been about bigger issues like my whereabouts or smaller things like "Secret Santa" denials. I don't know what draws me to lie. It might be some inner selfishness and the fact that "I" should be the onlyone who gets to know the truth OR it could just be an obvious way of saving my ass from repercussions. Anyways, I'm keeping this brief, but I would like to explore the whole concept of lying a lot more in the future.

Only me...

Only I could go to a kids Christmas party and end up with a youth co-ordinator's phone number. Haha. Oh well, I had a good time except for one naggy person, but we'll forget about them. The kids were so cute, especially Princess and Tayshawn - they we're obviously my favourites. Clinton (one of the youth co-ordinators from Braeburn) was hilarious. One second he was ordering his kids around like it was a bootcamp and then the next second he turns to me with a huge smile on his face. What a fun day. If you want pics then just ask me for some of check out my facebook account. I uploaded almost all of them.

Ok I'm done.

Ciao, Jess.